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We're Afraid to be Alone

Quite frankly, the only thing that motivates us to continue living is the idea that we are worth something. And this need to constantly validate our idea of “self” just to keep living is what keeps us from reaching our potential. 

Real quick, ask yourself: “What am I worth?”

Now this is an impractical and difficult question, and by the end of this post you should understand why. For now, think about the answer. This is probably the only question where you are the only person that can determine the answer in a way that's meaningful to you. Sure, you can be influenced by the way others perceive you or the way you want people to see you. But you’re the only one that has to live with and is affected by the answer.

Everyone unknowingly faces this question everyday. We have to make a value judgement about what we think about ourselves, and that defines how we feel. And if this turns the wrong way, which it often does, we feel lonely without consciously knowing or admitting it.

People that feel like they aren’t worth anything and can’t handle feeling that way turn to one of two things.

  1. Distractions like social media, superficial conversations, etc. 
  2. Doing something purely to validate their idea of self, like doing something you’re good at and has little chance of failure.

But these only make the problem worse and have a very cyclical effect (social media addictions!).

Failure is a necessary part of life, but we obviously don’t feel good about it. The cliche is that we should learn to tackle it head on. But the very notion that we have failed makes it almost impossible to justify our self-worth and a continued struggle. To truly thrive, we need to start doing things we genuinely enjoy so we don’t feel the need to validate what we’re doing.

Well, easier said than done. It's literally impossible to remove the idea of failure, so we have to learn to deal with it. When we feel alone after failing, we have to find the spark that made us try in the first place. And if that spark isn’t genuine, there’s no point in continuing.

Most people can say they are driven by progress. Well, you’re not always going to make progress.

Others say they’re driven by failure. For them, failure reminds them of the true reason they’re motivated to do something. This strengthens their foundation and reaffirms their desire to continue. Rather than validating themselves after a failure, they validate their passion and let it take them forward.

When it feels hard to push forward and we start falling back to the aforementioned distractions, we need to think about why we even started. As we do this more, it will start to internalize. If we can’t justify a reason to continue, why did we start in the first place?


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